FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ::
Q: Are you really a typing company?
A: Yes.
Q: But are you really a typing company?
A: Well, all I do is type all day, so I'm pretty sure I'm a typing company.
Q: Can you draw a picture of caramel?
A: Of course...
Q: Why are there mistakes in your prose?
A: First of all, I am a very accurate word profiteer, er, processor, but I have to admit that when you type like two-hundred and fifty words per minute, sometimes mistakes happen. I use a typewriter, and as part of our cost-cutting provisions I had to stop using white-out (and paying anyone).
Q: Uh, but this is the Internet...
A: That's not a question. My Backspace button is broken if you must know everything.
Q: Why don't you just write your own material instead of pilfering the stories of some less fortunate characters?
A: I do write my own material. I am an adult fiction writer, but everyone knows adults don't read. Children have to do whatever adults tell them to, and reading books is one of those things. That's why I only hand-pick the very best stories to type and find the greatest picture makers in the whole world to illustrate some of them. Even artists have to eat.
Q: No, they don't.
A: Oh.
Q: See what I mean?
A: I know exactly what you mean. I nearly died of scurvy nine times. The way I see it now, I'm performing a service for these wordsmiths. Do you really expect someone without thumbs to write a novel? Have you ever seen an author with low self-esteem? Or two noses? How many birds do you know? How many birds do you know that can talk? Well, how many talking birds named Arthur the Crow do you know? Thought so.
Q: Why do you write at all then? The whole point of 'doing things' is to make money. Why not just type?
A: Because a girl I want to impress makes me a pie when I finish a novel of my own.
Q: Are you a green organization?
A: Yes, we do our best here to avoid using paper made from the innocent trees. 73% of our paper comes from the not-so-innocent ones.
Q: Do you like bananas?
A: Yes. They hurt my stummy, but I eat them anyway.
Q: By stummy, do you mean stomach or tummy?
A: Making up words or using made up words is perfectly okay as long as you are understood or proceed to define that word. You obviously understood me.
Q: How much do your employees make?
A: Not nearly enough progress, although they would probably be more productive if I paid and/or fed them. Their rewards can't be measured. They're learning so much about the world!
Q: Do people like me?
A: Sometimes. You should probably lighten up with all these questions.
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