Frequently Asked Questions
Part I:
Q: Are you really a typing company?
A: Yes.
Q: But are you really a typing company?
A: Well, all I do is type all day, so I'm pretty sure I'm a typing company.
Q: Can you draw a picture of caramel?
A: Of course...
Q: Why are there mistakes in your prose?
A: First of all, I am a very accurate word profiteer, er, processor, but I have to admit that when you type like two-hundred and fifty words per minute, sometimes mistakes happen. I don't call them mistakes though. I call them learning experiences. Alos, I use a typewriter, and as part of our cost-cutting provisions I had to stop using white-out (and paying anyone).
Q: This is the Internet...
A: That's not in question.
*Awkward pause*
Q: Why don't you just write your own material instead of pilfering the stories of some less fortunate characters?
A: I do write my own material. I'm an adult fiction writer, but everyone knows adults don't read. Kids have to do pretty much whatever adults tell them to and reading books is one of those things. That's why I only hand-pick the very best stories to type and find the greatest picture makers in the whole world to illustrate some of them. Even artists have to eat.
Q: No, they don't.
A: The way I see it, I'm performing a service for these wordsmiths. Do you really expect someone without thumbs to write a novel? Have you ever seen an author with low self-esteem? Or two noses? It's not pretty. I mean, how many birds do you know? How many birds do you know that can talk? Well, how many talking birds named Arthur the Crow do you know? Thought so.
Q: Why do you write at all then? The whole point of doing anything is to make money. Why not just type?
A: Because I want to impress a girl. I know, it's gross. She's pretty and has a good personality though.
Q: Are you a green organization?
A: Yes, we do our best here to avoid using paper made from innocent trees. 73% of our paper comes from the not-so-innocent ones.
Q: Do you like bananas?
A: So much. They hurt my stummy, but I eat them anyway.
Q: How much do your employees make?
A: Not nearly enough progress, although they would probably be more productive if I paid or fed them. Their rewards can't be measured. They're learning so much about the world!
Q: Do people like me?
A: Sometimes. You should probably lighten up with all these questions.
